(note, this is an angry day so I am just going to let it fly)

It has been a completely crappy few weeks.  Let me start by saying sometimes you don't take it personally because it is "just business" however when you are part owner, IT IS ALL PERSONAL. 

Thus this year has been the year of the bitch.  I know that I intimidate a lot of people in my business because I actually know how to run a business and our business is commercial low slope roofing. I know a lot about insurance, banking, safety issues, payroll issues, contracts, bidding, etc.  I caused a bit of controversy earlier when I challenged a public bid opening.  I would not have taken it so far had I not been grotesquely insulted and condescended to by a public entity and now I have secured my reputation among my competition as a bitch.  When I go to conferences, I am ignored or better yet, asked by sales weasels if they can speak with my husband.  I have had the person that manages our IRA ask what my daddy thinks of a move that I am considering.  A male friend asked me if I needed help buying a truck. If I speak to anyone in my field on the phone without them knowing me, they assume they are leaving a message with the secretary.  I don't go to a potential job with other roofers very often but when I do, my fellow roofers either: 1. Assume I am a sales rep for a manufacturer 2. Stay away from the strange fruit 3. Ask me about my dad.  LOOK I HATE BBQ, NASCAR, SMOKING and CHEWING TOBACCO.  I don't play golf or follow any football team.  I do yoga, am a black belt, read the WSJ and the Economist regularly, love my rescue dogs, am divorced and have no plans to have children thus am not rushing into another marriage, believe in community service, am a clean freak, love the food network and know how to pronounce quinoa. I get angry when the company I love or any of its people are attacked and will fight back like a tenacious bulldog.  If that makes me a bitch, so be it. 

If it isn't enough to be looked down upon in my own field, try being looked down up by other fields!  I spend a lot of time with academics.  I meet many great people but as a group, they tend to be quite self absorbed and myopic.  When they discover I am in roofing and am not an engineer, my only remaining value is to take out the garbage.  Those are the days that I know that I make my alma mater proud.  So what that I employ more people than some departments, generate the tax base to fund the good research that I respect, am leader in my community service group, am well read and well educated.  (let's not touch salaries as mine fluctuates greatly with the market but ...)  

But this year is the one where I have to ask myself why I do it? Construction was not a "field of study" for me.  I don't want to grow the company into a monstrosity.  Eventually, I do want out but not in a down market.  This has been the "year to be spit upon".  I have had four major opponents, each with almost unlimited resources.  If I gave into any of them, it would not only be wrong but would cost me personally.  We may be in construction but what we are really doing is constructing a path for a good group of people to have a good life.  The average employee here has been here for at least eight years.  So if I need to revert to some type and you call me a bitch, look down your nose at me or attack me unjustly beware.  I am the single female roofer.  I am accustomed to it.  I will continue to fight the fight to protect every single person at this company, including (although lastly) me. 

Now where is that damn cape, I need to get back to work...

Wow this has been an A+ crappy week.  No joke, extra bad.  Bad enough that I had a total chick meltdown.  Crying spell so bad that it was as if my contacts were sandblasted clean so now I have my new glasses on, the ones that my honey said came from 1970.  My dog was called fat and I have a ginormous zit.  Seriously I am just mentioning the silly items because the rest was enough to sink me low.  Very low.  Low enough to make me question a lot of things.  A sad sad scary week.  

The best I could do was turn to comedy.  30 Rock.  Liz to the rescue.  The good news is that my hair is completely free of lettuce (must see show to understand) and I smiling about once every two minutes.  In about three days I might be able to wash away a small part of the week. Go Liz. 

First, check this out! My dad took this from the cruise ship in Barcelona!  Beautiful!  I think that they are having a wonderful time!

Now check this out:

 This photo is from the website www.101cookbooks.com.  They have a remarkable blog that I follow, and this stunning photo is from the most delicious pumpkin and feta muffin recipe.  

For the past few months, I have been rethinking food.  For a while I gave up gluten as I was afraid I was allergic to it then I discovered I was actually allergic to preservatives and food dyes.  So I have been look at everything from quinoa to vegan foods.  Some things have been great like quinoa and others have been well not as great like almond cheese.  I am supposed to only have dairy once every four days so now I use coconut milk in my coffee.  I can go out to a Mexican restaurant and pass on the cheese dip (oh and that one is painful to me).  But once every four days, I do have some dairy and when I saw this recipe I knew today was my day for some dairy!!!  

It is a great autumnal treat and I strongly recommend that you get cooking and enjoy!!!  Special thanks to the great people at www.101cookbooks.com for always posting amazing creations!

This has been a absolutely crappy health year for me.  After feeling terrible pain in all my joints and sheer exhaustion my dr told me on Oct 1 to go back up slightly on my adrenal meds.  I knew that in three days after I would get relief, get to go back to yoga and enjoy a full and regular work etc schedule again.  So when Monday Oct 4th rolled around, I started to feel good again.  Not great but good.  Until Tuesday when I started to come down with a cold.  By Thursday I was in fear of a full blown flu and had to leave work early to go home and rest.  Friday I was back to a cold and this weekend has been all about me and a box of tissues.

One thing I did notice is the crazy quirky habits we all have regarding feeling better.  As soon as I begin to feel a bit better, I begin on an extreme cleaning routine.  I have washed everything that can be washed in the house.  Every sheet, towel clothing item, etc..  I am about to fire up my shark steam cleaning and steam clean every surface of the house.  Seriously ~ dust, dog hair, and any mess is afraid of me right now.  I have no idea why I get all "Monk like" (as in the tv show) obsessive compulsive but I do.  I think I get a sense of making everything fresh so I can focus on getting things back in line.  I have cleaned out the closet and made "Goodwill donation" bags. I am just an organization, cleaning fool right now.  (well I clean, then rest, then clean then rest) 

I also cook.  One of my favorite aspects of my ipad is an ap called "blog spot" where I can glance at all my favorite blogs easily.  Most of the blogs that I follow are cooking blogs and I have made a heck of a grocery list.  So after the house is immaculate, I plan on completely trashing the kitchen.  I am going to make a quinoa leek soup and squash and feta muffins.  After all this, I assume that I will be completely wiped out again and will retire to the couch to eat and enjoy.  

I got my Apple TV on Friday and hooked it up yesterday.  I really like it!!!  My last habit of feeling better is a bit of self indulgence ~ perhaps a chick flick, tv show or movie that I missed in the theatre?   I can't take most traditional cold medicines so I have to ride things out so why not ride them out with a bit of mental candy? I still dream of the time in the very near future when I can go back to my yoga schedule, easily enjoy walking the dogs, running agility, and working back at full capacity. 

This is the fuzzy man that I spent my birthday with.  Max, aka border collie extraordinare!  

Well technically that was the late afternoon and evening of my birthday.  The first male I saw on my birthday was my doctor.  I am just in too much pain and too exhausted to come off the steriods as quickly as I had hoped.  I had trouble walking around Friday as the joints in my feet hurt so badly from agility the night before.  I was wiped out and nauseated.  So I surrender.  I am ok with staying on this low dose for a while longer.  

HOWEVER it normally takes a good three days to really feel the relief and then some time after that to feel strong again.  I couldn't make it through the entire work day so I left early, ordered new glasses, picked up the dogs and settled in for a great evening.  I decided to use my free Netflix subscription to watch season 4 of Weeds.  WOW I love that show!  I went a bit overboard.  I finally got off the couch as I wanted to spend my birthday enjoying my new bathroom.  So I moved the Ipad and continued to watch!  After the hot bath, it was time for MORE Weeds!  Sure enough I watched an ENTIRE season in one very very long sitting.  

I knew I would have to simply take it slow this past weekend so my goals were to do my house chores and watch Season 5 of Weeds!  LOL!  I also went to a yoga clinic on relaxation (that doesn't wear you out) and had brunch with a friend.  So does watching about 26 episodes of Weeds count as doing anything?  (I don't know how many episodes it was, but it WAS two seasons worth so over 20?!???)  My sister was appauled when I told her I didn't go out for my birthday.  Everyone was out of town (Mark only got home for 12 hours starting at 1am Monday morning) and I didn't feel well.  I have gone back and forth with her that I DID do something.  Sure it was brain mush but it was FUN!  I laughed A LOT!

Also here is an update.  My bathroom isn't complete as we ran out of accent tile for the wall behind the bathtub but here it is!

 view from hallway.  That back wall is the wall that will get the accent tile.  The accent tile is the same tile you will see from the shower.  I love that tile and I love the layout of the floor!

View from the master bedroom.  That is the accent tile.  I love it.

 This is the little niche above the tub.  The wall to the right is the wall that will get the accent.  I should have taken the photo with the light on in the niche.

View into the shower.  I can not tell you how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE the body sprays.  Every morning it is like a shoulder massage to put you in a good mood!

Extra storage with an outlet inside the cabinet.  

More photos to come soon!  

After months upon months upon months of battling to get a balance with my thyroid and my adrenal issues, today I will admit that yes it takes a toll on my outlook. Today I am just sad and feel a little bit beaten.

I have waited months for today, a four hour posture clinic at my hot yoga (Bikram) studio and my joints ache badly. I have only taken one yoga class this week and have had to back off. I want to get off completely from the steroids I have to take for my adrenals and the transition each time I drop the dosage is VERY HARD. I am wiped out and every morning I wake up and I feel old as my fingers are swollen, my back and hips ache and when I get into some of my favorite yoga postures, I discover that my feet and knees hurt as well.

In the past, I would have called myself an open yogi. I would go to class, work hard, focus, and enjoy myself. It helped to relieve stress and I loved being inspired by other yogis. Inspired to try new things, improve my practice, release everything. Now when I go to class, I can't stop the judgement. Judgement of how much I have reverted, how I have lost stamina, flexibility and it just HURTS to try some of the postures that I was good at.

I don't want to take pain reliever but I am going to today. I will go and get a cherry smoothie as cherries reduce swelling. I will do whatever I need to however, I don't how how I can put a good face on it. I am just sad. I am tired of the slow slow slow healing process. After so long, I do get down as a result of it. In just the recent past, I was so talented. I need to fight my way back but gosh, I just need a boost. It is hard to take a step forward as it seems I take two steps backward first.

Today, I will finally admit it... I am a sad yogi.

The members of my Rotary Club have been sad this week. At our board meeting, we found out that the grandson of a long time member died suddenly. That same member is awaiting a heart transplant. In his honor, Wednesday many of us attended the annual luncheon for St Jude's Recovery Center in Atlanta. It is his most important service group and we want to be sure to preserve the relationship until he is healthy and back to the club to direct our relationship with the group.

We were somber at the event, knowing that his daughter that was going in his place was busy dealing with a family tragedy.

Then as we left, we received the news that one of our past presidents passed away Wednesday morning. I don't know anyone in the club that wasn't rocked by this news. The gentleman was a valuable and wonderful Rotarian. I sent a message out to our club informing the members of the loss and I received no less than 35 responses of shock and dismay.

A fellow Rotarian commented that he suspected this unexpected loss was perhaps another casualty of the economy. I am certain that he is right. The gentleman that passed was in the furniture business. A business that I am sure has suffered horribly over the past three years as the economy turned. The pressure of managing a business in this economy undoubtedly put stress on his health. Frankly, I don't know anyone that doesn't have a few scars form the past three years.

I have watched friends experience the pressure of fighting through the past three years in the forms of everything from exhausttion to mental illness to myself as an adrenal problem.

I'm not saying that good has not come from so much change but in the recent history of the US only the Vietnam War and Great Depression have had such a far reaching personal consequences. Do you know of anyone that hasn't been affected by the economy, even if it is shown tangentially?

Today, I am saying a prayer for two Rotary families that have lost so much. Two people that won't be around to make the world a better place.

I have the honor of being the secretary of a club that I adore.  We had a member spread a temper tantrum via email to well over 60% of the club.  This has caused the members of the board spend a lot of time in discussion about this action.  Note~ note much time on the issue he was upset about because it is in process however a HECK of a lot of time discussion how we was ... well just an a**&^%e.  

Now this person has been a fantastic person to the organization however in the past three years, has had three temper tantrums that IMHO have been grotesquely disrespectful and inappropriate.  So the board voted last night to send him a letter to ask him to basically review his behavior.  Oh and I am the one to write the letter.

Crap. 

What do I really want to say "Stop being a jerk to fellow members!"  That isn't what the letter says.  It is light and is more of a suggestion than an actual expression of displeasure.  The part that bothers me is that not only has he been an a**&^%e but I am almost assured a phone call from him after he gets the letter so the issue continues.  Yuck.  

People, don't throw the first punch but if you are punched, deck 'em.

It was such a strange week that I think the only way to sum it up is to do the cheesy, winners and losers of the week:

Winners:

1. Apple, the graphics card in my MacBook Pro gave up on me this week. I took it into Apple to find that this repair is on them! I love it! No BS a few other questions about performance of the machine were answered and the price: $0! ALSO my honey sent me the shipping info for my new APPLE TV and NETFLIX subscription that he is giving me for my birthday! YES!!!

2. My contractor, the bathroom will have a substantial completion inspection on Friday. That means after almost eight weeks of people disregarding my home, I am about to have a magnificent transformation of my space. The plumbers were working Friday and they installed the toilet and completed the sink. This means I was able to actually use the bathroom (partially any way) this weekend! This is huge for me! Almost done!!! (oh and on a side note, you have no idea how hard I have clamped down on the project manager for this project. Being in construction I have things that I think are acceptable and unacceptable and every time they crossed the line with me I was an absolutely tenacious task master)

Losers:

1. Love, I found out that someone close to me is getting a divorce. This couple had a wonderful partnership for many years. Certainly marriage is hard work and I know they have put a lot of hard work into it however, it seems they have a problem that together they can not solve. They have children so it isn't just about them. It makes me sad, sad for both of them, sad for the frustration and heartache, sad for the children, sad that so many of us have been down this road.

2. My doggies, I was too tired to make it to agility this week. Although I have gotten so much better, after a calendar that was overly packed I just had to give up by the end of the week. I had to have some down time. On Friday, they still had to get baths!

3. Group X, I am a member of a great organization and we had a terrible meeting this week. A person made a huge blooper behind the microphone. I was insulted by it as were many other people. This person and I spoke at length about it and I was under the impression that they would do the right thing and fix it. I wanted it to go away. Well, the wildfire got ugly before it got better but then Friday, after a long conversation with someone else that was insulted, I found that the offending person never said the words "I'm Sorry" and attempted to defend the behavior. Ug. Lesson #1 in human relations ~ listen and don't be afraid to say I'm sorry even if you are only sorry for making another person feel bad, not for what you did. The shame of it all is that I am a HUGE fan of the person that committed the blooper and it was just that, a slip. I hate the notion that he will be attached to a perspective that doesn't represent him and I hate further that we may have driven off a great person because of ...lack of humility? That is unacceptable. We lose.

My week was somewhere in between. I got to spend time with Mark and his two sons but then again, I also had to put him on the plane to Fiji for almost three weeks. My bathroom is progressing but I had to gnaw on my contractor. I had a heavy schedule but was too tired by the end of the week to keep going. This upcoming week will be another odd one as my sister is coming to town and I have four meetings with my volunteer organization within the next 36 hours. I hope that I don't run out of steam again.

I hope that your upcoming week is a week of winners!

What do you do when you are watching a temper tantrum?

I have spent today watching a temper tantrum and have been upset about the fact that a good man is taking it on the chin.  

I don't know if people realize when they are throwing a tantrum that it doesn't necessarily force people around them to address what caused them to have a tantrum.  Instead I am put off at what a baby this person is regardless of any point they may raise.  Is the heart of the matter attention or resolution?

How old is too old to have a temper tantrum?  I admit I have done plenty of rear end chewing in my day but I always stick to the facts and lean on a resolution to those issues.  I don't think that is a temper tantrum.  I think an irrational public display of indignation is a better definition of a temper tantrum but again, how old is too old?  8, 16, 30?????  At what age do you cross into the area where you are no longer the object of attention but instead simply a horse's rear end? 

I am angry because a good man took unecessary greif because of someone that acted like a horse's rear end.