January 27, 2011
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Ashtanga full primary series. Humility. Pain.
I have had the opportunity to practice the full primary series. Let me just say frankly, I am absolutely getting my ass kicked. I can do about 85% and of that 85% I can’t do it well.
I have no problem with this fact as it is something to reach for and then to be proud as my practice grows. The series involves a lot of postures that include lotus (see above). When you have joint pain, just lotus itself is challenging. Now I think that I have mentioned that ALL my joints ache but in particular, my right knee aches dispropotionately. My lotus isn’t even, I am pushing hard on my right ankle to keep my right knee into the posture. But I am sticking with it and staying in lotus.
One of the particulars about Ashtanga is the way you transition between poses. It is a true flow, a dance. A seamless blend between one pose and the next. So I had to transition and wanted to work on an easier version of transitioning so I rolled forward still in lotus onto my hands and knees. Then I was to bend my arms and kick my legs straight out of lotus and move to chaturanga dandasana.
Well, that was what was supposed to happen. What did happen is that I buried my face into the mat and started to cry. The pressure of trying to evenly pull my legs out of the pose when I wasn’t evenly in the pose caused so much pain to my knee that I immediately burst into tears.
Fortunately, I didn’t make any noises and it was just a second before I moved my legs back and kept going. But that was enough. Enough for me to take that 15% that I can’t do and turn it into more like a strong 20% that I couldn’t do that day. The pain didn’t stop me, the humility, the facing a limit and not being able to move it forward. That is what stopped me that day.
It was a miserable moment. I am really hoping that I hit my low. I am hoping that I learned enough that I don’t have to repeat it.
