August 23, 2010
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Tense…
I am a muller. I can mull for awhile about things. When I make a decision, I am committed to my action and can be simply tenacious. When I am an opponent, I am a driven, focus and precise.
I have been watching a situation now that can cost us dearly. This weekend, after a long time in mulling, I am ready to slowly implement my decision. I will be laying in wait, gathering a bit more information and then I am going into full force action. There will be no wavering, waffling or distraction to my plan. My opponents have an advantage of unlimited resources. I have the advantage of fact, knowledge, motivation and tenacity. I will prevail but am fighting a system of perpetually funded belligerence. One day I will unveil my plan. Today is not that day.
What I plan to do most people would not contemplate. Certainly it is nothing illegal, immoral or even fattening! However my course is not for the faint of heart. What I am defending is most important and at the heart of my small sliver of the universe. There will be moments when I will be afraid, lose confidence, be angry and frustrated but again, I have have made up my mind and there will be no distraction from my course. This is a game where I am either the winner or the loser. I will not be the loser although I will be taking some hits along the way.
This feels just like being eight years old again and being beaten up by bullies. One day, I said no. That day, during another vicious attack I defended myself and the bullying stopped. This is a little more complicated but the essence is still the same. I have done NOTHING wrong, and am being mercilessly attacked by an incompetent bully. This time I will not be passive, silent or a victim.
One thing I did learn in life and particularly thanks to Carnegie Mellon was to think outside the box. My thinking is outside the box and because of those fine teachers that encouraged me to march to my own drum, I will be successful.
Naturally my concern is two fold. How many hits can I take and still be standing? How much will this cost my health. I am weak still. My adrenals are in bad shape and I have sworn to work hard to reduce stress. Can I even tell you how many times I stare at my ceiling at 2:30am? How I wonder if everything that so many people built will be gone? How will my employees survive in this economy if something should happen to the business? How will the children of the families we employ go to college if the parents no longer have a job? How will they eat and have health insurance? Do you know how badly I want to yell at X person and say “If you reviewed ALL the information and UNDERSTOOD what you read, you would realize that you are wrong?”. How do I find a way to balance this? I am still on course of gathering the last items that I need but have to find a way to quiet these thoughts and be serene in the knowledge and success of my plan.
