July 29, 2011
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Choosing the Battle or Defending the Weak…
I remember one day in college, I went toe to toe with a guy in class over who could quote the most Shakespeare “one liners”. It was ridiculous. Why did I choose that battle? Because he was a bully. He and I were in multiple classes where we did in depth critiques of original work by our classmates. He was brutal and not in a productive way. He was a typical bully that used harsh insults to attempt to bring everyone around him down to his level instead of simply improving his own game. His work was certainly good but not to the outstanding level of some of our classmates.
These classes were brutal and personal to each of us. One time I had a professor rip the first two pages off one of my stories and throw it in the trash to start the discussion. It went further to hell after that as you can imagine. This type of critique was common from professors (but not students) and part of getting used to taking criticism and learning what edits to use. The bully was never harsh to me but he was to everyone else. After several classes with the bully I had had enough. So when I got my chance, I kept him in check. It was a goofy medium but it worked. He backed down.
I didn’t have a personal issue with him, but I felt compelled than when I had the chance, it was my job to defend others. Those that were unreasonably being pounded upon.
Aside from business where my industry can be harsh and certainly patronizing to a female (and it is my job to defend), I have two issues that make me decide to “jump into” a battle. One is when I see someone in a weak position, being treated poorly. The other is when someone is in a leadership position and takes actions contradictory to the principles they govern by.
I had a situation this week where I did decide to choose a battle. This person absolutely crunched another person that I know. A person that is kind hearted, a hard worker and absolutely brilliant. A rare gem of a human. This “bully” most likely does not rise to the term bully but is ignorant and this ignorance coupled with a gross lack of panache caused great harm. The kind hearted person was in my office a few weeks ago for unrelated business and started to cry the situation was so bad. This person is in the position to offer great services and the “non bully” was preventing her from wanting to continue her participation. I happened to come into contact with the “non bully” this week and I did, without reservation, take a swing to keep the situation in check. When I swing I never pull a punch.
I don’t take on battles frequently. I am an INTJ so conflict is extremely draining to me. By the time I actually participate in conflict I have mulled through a situation so deeply that I am well prepared and tenacious. I never shoot from the hip. I am surprised however each time when I do jump in because I know the cost on the flip side. I could have handled the situation differently however if I had, it would not have been effective. It was effective however it did cost me. Did I choose my battle wisely? When I think of all the kind hearted person does, I absolutely would do it again. I don’t think I could have done it differently either. Still, when I do a gut check, I question myself.
