September 13, 2010
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Anger…
Last week was just a long series of issues that set me off. Thursday was the worst. We had a big victory at work. I sent Mark a text about it. He was in FL with his team on the last day of an experiment and didn’t have a chance to call.
I am an introvert. Most people would never know that about me as in the areas I have to be professional and outspoken I have learned to adapt but I am here to tell you when you are an introvert it is just a show. I only recently learned that I was an introvert, until then I thought I was just a bit quirky. Needless to say we introverts HATE certain types of attention. What we can’t stand more is when we actually want attention and are ignored. It feels like you are don’t matter. We don’t need attention very often but at those moments, it is critical. My heart sank when I found out that Mark was simply too busy at dinner to call. Especially since I have been at dinner with him so many times when he takes calls or has to make calls.
Now to be fair, the other quirk about being an introvert is that you don’t necessarily tell anyone when it is a “big” moment for you, thus leaving your friends and loved ones to guess. So Thursday was a perfect combination of a big moment that went unrecognized for a series of reasons. I was absolutely pissed off.
But here is what I am struggling to learn, where does it end? I mean I have spoken with Mark about it and he is genuinely sorry but why am I still angry about it? How do you simply release it. I acknowledged it, discussed it but why am I having trouble with it, and other things that happened last week? When do you just say, ah, it is over? What am I missing in this picture?
I am undergoing a major bathroom renovation.
Here are some of the photos of the floor and the accent wall of tile in the shower. Now I am supposed to be reducing stress and in two weeks, I will be able to take a long hot bath in my new soaker tub and shower in the morning with the relaxing and massaging body sprays. All this is good and well except I have a series of slobs that seem to be working in my home. I had to clean spackling off of a leather chair this weekend among many other outrageous items. The tile guys are obviously gods based on the astonishing job they are doing but after being worn thin already this week, that just set me off again. I went to two different yoga classes this weekend to offset some of the anger. I did Bikram Friday and Iyanger AND Bikram on Saturday. Usually these work, I go to classes and release the anger (or sadness as anger is simply another form of sadness) and alas, IT DIDN’T WORK.
What am I missing here? When I am captivated by this small sh** that I seem to be attached to, I miss out on moments like this:
