July 23, 2010
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What Anxiety?
SO I am here at one of the annual conferences that I attend. It is in a beautiful facility. We meet each day until lunchtime and then have the rest of the day to enjoy. Most people played golf. As I don’t play golf, I instead enjoyed the facilities. They have a fabulous spa with a great wet area. I sat in the hot tub reading the wall street journal. It was fantastic! I got a great dinner and now at a whopping 8pm, I am watching tv and relaxing.
Of course at times I am trying to work out some of these anxiety issues. I was told to go back to before the anxiety attack and really look at what might have been under the surface that was blown out of pro potion during the attack. Then when you find that issue, go back and find what caused you to have the belief you have on the issue. Great. Emptying out the emotional baggage.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to hold onto this baggage any longer. It is all just uncomfortable. I like to be done with things when they are done. I was a child, I was a teenage, I am an adult. I don’t like going back to the child and teenager years. The anxiety comes from an irrational place and is as stubborn as a two year old during a temper tantrum. It all started when I was seven years old. Seven! I don’t want to go back to that. It was a miserable time in my life. Apparently though, I made a few decisions about myself that are untrue. Apparently I hold onto those beliefs enough to come out, full blown in the form of an anxiety attack.
Certainly I was smaller then, didn’t have the tecno toys that I do now but was not much different than I am now. Well, except that I was quiet. I didn’t socialize much. Now, I do socialize. I probably laugh too loud too. I liked to read then, I like to read now. I was hungry for knowledge and love to explore anything. I loved my dogs. I was athletic and active. Not much different. I guess that is my starting place. While I am here, in a place where my cell phone does not work, a place that has a great workout and spa facility I can go back to the starting place. In the moment I can say “what anxiety” I am going to try to figure out what makes me most anxious.
